I have already lost count of the number of times we have been away from each other. It is inevitable, given your Mom’s current condition or at least I like to think of it that way. I expected that it is not going to get this tough not having you and your mom around having been through it countless times but I was wrong. I have no problem taking care of the basic things like laundry, cleaning of the room and preparing my own meals but the silence is beyond bearable.
I arrived in our house at around 3 AM on Sunday excited of the freedom that I am going to have while you are away. I practically leaped to the bed upon reaching our room and I am sure there was this devious grin on my lips. Don’t get me wrong. It is not that your presence is unwanted, I love having you around and totally enjoy the days we spend together just you and I. However, adults sometimes need time to be alone, and quiet to do what they have to do and put their lives into perspective. I was about to raise my hands in celebration of the many quiet hours ahead when my eyes froze on those tiny slippers at the base of the cupboard that seem to be waiting for your wiggly feet. My moment of joy was cut short by the underlying implication of not having you around which my conscious brain keeps pushing back. I will miss a lot of things most of all your stories, unending questions of why things are like this or that and our Father and son escapes.
Those tiny slippers had their way in me. They seem to be staring back with questioning eyes…where are those wiggly little feet? It’s been a while why haven’t they come to take us for a walk?
It is going to be a week since I left and many times I have been tempted to pick-up those tiny slippers and hide them away in the store-room but I have chosen not to. I want them to be where I can see them as a reminder that I have to make wise decisions so in the future we will not have to be separated again.
I am having a hard time coping up for now but I will be fine…more or less.